i'm never home

a written chronicle of my worldly adventures.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

In Sunday's Times, Erykah Badu graces the front page of the Arts section. It illustrates her comeback album, 8 years since her last release, and describes how she still lives in the same one bedroom rent controlled apartment in NYC, how she makes her own juices and only got a computer a few years ago when ?uestlove gave her one. In the article, there is one paragraph regarding her punctuation, or lack thereof, and gives the following description of a bath she recently took:
As she floated in the tub (“I always go all the way underneath the water and try to hold my breath a long time,” she said), she had a revelation: “Different thoughts kept coming into my head. The first thought was, ooh, I wonder if my hair gonna be cute when I get out. And then another voice over me said, Ego, we need you, we’re going to need you for our mission. And another voice over my head goes, oh, Willpower, bless your heart, you’re going to be stronger soon. And then another voice — oh Heart, you’re so compassionate, you have to toughen up a little.

“I figured out, like, wow, all of these things in me are fighting to have a space all the time, and it’s like a dialogue going on inside of me all the time.”

Ms. Badu is certain her fans are now ready to hear it. “Being humble is so 2007,” she said. “Trust me.”


And then it occurred to me like a punch in the gut that I have taken my ego out so far as to take my self confidence with it. I have swung the pendulum the other way, and the effect has been paralysis. All of these "problems" in my life: ex-roommate, no job, piece of shit car, money, image, this and that, when they come up I think what kind of image am I projecting into the universe? Do I have a neon "fuck with me" sign hanging from my neck? Because I won't stand for it! And while it's true, I won't stand for being fucked with, the initial presentation may not say that. The initial presentation is, apparently, weak and without confidence. So to this I say, Ego, I need you back. I miss you. Heart, I need you back. I feel empty. Head, focus on the important stuff, leave the bullshit aside.

This gonna be good.

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