rainy morning. desire to smell pine trees when i woke up. there must be a better way to do this than wrench ourselves out of bed and face days filled with things we do not like. unsettling dreams leave me feeling uneasy, unwell when i wake up. i look out the window into the yard with its beautiful palms trees and wish i was there, in it. it's not the outside that needs to change so much, it's the inside. it's like a relationship that is crumbling and no one wants to admit it: one day i convince myself it'll make me stronger to stay, the next i'm posting a resume and feeling humiliated, angry and ugly. if i can find better money, a newer challenge, a better way to give back, be happier, have more respect, then i will. it's been a good run, so far. it'd be nice to move on, soon, to better and happier things.
transition
my heart hurts for the family and colleagues of heath ledger. what a tragedy; he has a baby and so many people love him dearly; he was iconic. he will be missed.