tired. end of the day, and it's only 9:30. do you remember staying out until dawn, lungs heavy and wheezy from packs of camel lights, head filled with pots of black coffee, eyes blood shot and squinty under gas station flourescents? remember driving home to try to sleep, laughing and envying the suits just headed out for work? i remember these drives, in the ice cold frosty indy mornings, winters ago. no energy to do anything but turn left, roll the window down more so the blast of ice wind jolts just enough to make it home safe. ish. turn the radio up, louder, then down again on neighborhood streets, not to wake the predawn neighbors. i remember these mornings well. these are the times i felt alive, loved, living life to it's insomniatic fullest. now, a different fulfillment comes in knowing shortly i'll be closing the day, nestled under warm bedclothes next to my boyfriend, another dreamfilled, possibly restless night ahead of me until the alarm goes at 7:10.