why partner

for a long time i’ve wondered why we, as human beings, are made to mate, why we need a partner. it’s undeniable, just look at nature. but why me? why do i have to sink to an animal level and *gasp* date. then marry. and have kids. the thought was enough to put me off my tofu for a fortnight.

things have begun to change, lately. i was flipping through a magazine at kunda’s house this afternoon, and there was a photograph of two red-faced, shaggy monkeys. one was  huddled behind the other, eyes closed, while its protector had a look of human-like kindness and vulnerability etched into its brow. the symbiosis displayed in that photo sent chills down my spine, and it occurred to me that we find a mate for our own humility. to partner with another in the same rickety boat as we are in proves our need for help and assistance. it proves that we are not god, which is an inherently singular noun, and that our comfort lies outside ourselves. to deny our instinct to match with another is to deny humble and declare to the universe: Bugger off, I can do this on my own!

at 23, i am perfectly capable of doing just about anything that needs to be done in my life, save step on big creepy bugs. and when i can’t do it, i find a way to git ‘er done. i have spent years declaring to the universe and everyone that i am strong, independent, and capable of opening my own doors, thank you very much. i have concurrently been denying the most obvious of god’s presentations in our lives: love. partners, lovers, friends, they all give us love in addition to the protection and safety in numbers we need for survival. to forego one is to forego the other. this time last year began a journey into the intimacy of friendship, a realignment of values and priorities. not lover, career, freedom, friends, family; rather, the other way around.

from five years ago to this point today, every bit of advancement has been made in my acceptance of my humanity and my animalism. being a human being is less scary than it once was, and it’s not so terrifying to see monkeys hugging in trees or watch friends buy a house or get engaged.