11 june

11 june
i feel frozen in time, stuck in that moment with Michael, can’t get out if it, can’t get it out of my head, my heart, can’t let this in, stuck stuck. restlessness pervading. i want sex, food, loud music and speed. i want to smoke and shoot pool and spend money. i want to numb this feeling that i am not happy here, that this is a temporary landing site until i move one. but i’m not unhappy, see, i’m just not overlyhappy here. i have the option to go, and i am not exercising it. that makes me unhappy.