its raining in indianapolis

it’s raining in Indianapolis, which is when this city is most beautiful. i’ve been back in the states for a week now, and it’s a little easier. my head doesn’t hurt, and i’ve gotten better at sleeping like a normal person. there are little, subtle things that i see creeping back into my behavior that are so characteristically American, and i cringe. the aggression on the road, the judgment of people around me, the desire to consume consume consume. i am trying to incorporate bits of the good stuff of Thailand into my daily here, most notably how i eat, the words i use, whom i speak with and how i use my free time. i made green curry for dinner yesterday night using some curry paste i picked up at the asian market up the road from my house, and it was so spicy neither my housemate nor i could finish it. and i didn’t know how to make the coconut syrup to go on mango and stickey rice (but i didn’t look, either). today i made thai iced coffee for my brother, and the condensed milk sank to the bottom of the glass, flat, garnering a bunch of laughs from the bro at my taste in beverages. i’m trying.
i have spent a lot of time with my family these few days, and it feels good. i’ve had well-spent time with my friends, as well. i’m trying to move away from the psychotic mobile compulsion that plagued me before i left the states. learning the art of actually turning off the phone, or leaving it in the car. not spending three years online before lunch, also. and cringing every time i drop an eff bomb, which is frequent. and unnecessary.
Johnny cash’s folsom prison record on itunes, about to start the hustvedt novel i picked up this afternoon. missing my new friends, looking forward to the new turns of my summer. good night!