eff this business

i’m just mad right now. pissed off at someone’s behavior, pissed that i got lost on the way home, pissed that someone jumped out of the car in the middle of the road and dared to call me passive aggressive, pissed that the panhandler who wanders in and out of the hotel keeps using the same lousy excuse that his car needs gas. scared at how quickly an angry person shuts down communication, which is the only thing we humans have. scared at how uncontrollable it makes a person.

today was, by all accounts, a good day. a full day, lots of classes, followed by an evening at third street stuff hanging out. there are times when i just want to sit and observe rather than record all of it, and i need not feel guilty then. the coffeeshop is bright and happy, and the same dreddie behind the counter yesterday called my sweetness today and we clowned for a minute. he is a nice, nice man, and it’s evident in the relationships he has with his customers, especially the regulars. it’s just good peopling, good business. it felt good to be there.

marli and i had dinner at joe bologna’s, garden veggie pizza and a 2 foot long breadstick and a salad whose base plate kept spinning in a circle when i pierced a leaf or a tomato. idle conversation about the kids we grew up with, where our lives are taking us, that sort of thing. she bought a house, and i felt a pang of jealousy at hearing this, like i should be somewhere like that. my choice all along has been to not do that, so no sense feeling jealous when someone makes the opposite decision i do.

i was going to see v for vendetta or go shoot pool or check out caribbean night at third street, but i’m not. instead, i’m going to get some sleep on these effed up mattresses. i want to go home.