everything has value

everything has value. those words have a soothing to them that i can’t explain. i have been fostering an inner dialogue lately concerning the nature of my recovery and the steps necessary for me to continue to grow in a positive direction. to keep it up when everything is good as opposed to waiting for some pain to motivate my actions. and really, i’m doing it anyway. it’s only when i’m bored do the wheels start to turn that there is something i ought to be doing, some way i’m not fulfilling my obligation as an American to do do do.
i was privy to an interesting conversation last night at macniven’s concerning the nature of americans’ obsession to be the best. why must we strive to be the best in everything we do? why can’t it be enough to do a good job and the rest will sort itself out?

i do not know the answer to this question.

i suffer this curse as well, the plague to the best. have the best, do the best, live the best, live BIG! do big things! make it all as wonderful as it possibly can! there’s nothing wrong with that mentality, i believe. that mentality, and the insanity that usually accompanies it, has given the world some fantastic results. conversely, it has driven many to madness, but everything has its price. i am willing to suffer the pain of uncertainty in exchange for a noteworthy, adventurous life. after all, it has its value, too.